can i just say that i have had conversations about being a child with many people. many people have many opinions, but the one i run into the most is that being a child is really uncomplicated for them. most people feel like being a child was some kind of effortless memory in which they don't really remember.this is fucking strange to me because i don't feel the same way. sitting here, in my apartment, listening to music and typing on this keyboard i reminisce. i see myself in all of the different phases of me.

mē/
pronoun
1.
used by a speaker to refer to himself or herself as the object of a verb or preposition.
"do you understand me?"
2.
informal
used in exclamations.
"dear me!"


this is who i am and who i have spent my whole life trying to be. every single day to "me" is something i can change, fix, better, or hope for.

as a child, in retrospect, i always felt the constant need to change and it has been a reoccurring pattern in my entire lifespan. as a young "adult" i see myself striving for more, understandably, with a coherent understanding of what "life" is. what is life, though? is it the past? is it the present? is it the future? is it growing old and greying hairs along with arthritis and some kind of  cancer?

i digress, only because i progressed too quickly. the reason i started writing this post is because i just called my dad to tell him how much i fucking love him and i think i may have freaked him out (sort of kidding), but only not because i know he, himself, is  as crazy as i am.

i don't think i can write anymore, so i'm gonna stop. pheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew. breathe, kelsey.