i'm not feeling nostalgic, not at all. and that's a really fucking good feeling. generally when my life goes to shit i start becoming nostalgic towards my childhood, my ex-boyfriends, my old best friends, etc. i'm not nostalgic at all. Can i say that again? NO NOSTALGIA HERE. I don't give a fuck about my past, except for that's what it is and i have shaped myself by the decisions and the situations i've allowed myself to be in, in my past. i'm not fucked up about telling everyone every single mistake i've made, the stupid piece of shit's' i've slept with, the people i've fucked over, the drugs i've done, the amount of vodka i've in-took in my 4+ years of underage drinking, the fact that i have HPV, the fact that i don't give a flying shit what you think about me.
this is the truth. this isn't something to make me feel better, or invigorated, liberated, any shit like that. i won't even attempt to sound eloquent, y'all. fuck some spell check, and if you can't understand my grammar, then fuck you!
damn, i won't lie, i do feel better. cheesy ass writing. venting. making myself look forward.
it is crazy, though, how sounds and smells affect my nostalgia gland. kind of the same way piece of shit people affect my do-not-give-a-fuck gland. ;) every single time i smell ed hardy perfume i think of jon, cam, gov school, etc. i think of my best friend katy prescher and every drug i ever did for the first time with those three punks. i don't regret, and i don't miss. i just ponderrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
P O N D E R
live your fucking life, because no one else can do it for you. you can choose to leave out the obscenities or not, though ;)
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