As if it is not enough to fail the people around me, but I have effectively failed myself. In the most recent months of my life I have made several unintelligent, ill thought-out decisions (yes, this has been going on all my life) for which I am not proud of. As I sit here to type out my feelings I can’t accurately reflect on the things I have done, because honestly, by now I have tried my hardest to fail to remember them. This does seem to happen with the things we don’t deem worthy of recollection, otherwise known as the things we’re ashamed of. All I am certain of is that I’m exhausted of feeling down and I’m more than tired of making the people (one certain individual, if you will) that tries the hardest for me suffer. I sincerely can’t recall the most recent moment in time I was truthful with myself, my acquaintances, my relatives and most of all, my beloved boyfriend. This is an entirely, whole-heartedly sincere “Hello!” to a new creation, and an equally genuine “I’m sorry, folks” to the rest of you.
At this time I’m listening to Simon & Garfunkel, and I can’t help but recall pleasant car drives where I tagged along with my grandma. We wouldn’t do much, but sit out and perhaps go to a flea market or two to look for ‘treasures,’ as she calls them. Sometimes we would stop at a diner and grab lunch, or maybe she would just cook for me when we got home. I cannot think of a single time she hasn’t been there for me. Just saying, I really neglect vital people.
I woke up this morning with a headache and a longing for five more minutes of sleep. I’m going to bed with a full heart and a full tummy. Thanks, baby. I looooooooove you!
On another note, my brother turns four tomorrow. This blog is scattered, just like my thoughts! Goodnight
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