Lately I feel like I am stuck in a rut of discontent. I am not disgruntled with the people around me as much as I am with, well, me. I, Kelsey Elyse Sullivan am completely unhappy with my lack of effort and my total lack of emotion lately. Sadly the only thing that has made me smile is Mario Galaxy... lol. I feel like I have detached myself from those who matter most to me and most of all, from my loving boyfriend. I know we all have our downfalls, our ruts, our hard places, but I have definitely let mine stay here for too fucking long.
Things are going to be different and better, I'm hoping. I really do realize how incredibly lucky I am, how much I have, how sincere the people who take up my life space are. I also see how much I don't like people outside of my comfort zone. I don't feel the need to have something to do every Friday night or to be part of the 'in crowd' and posting stupid pictures on myspace (not attacking anyone who does, just imo) of how grand my weekend was. I feel the little, simplistic things are enough to make me smile. I haven't once in the past two weeks let another human interfere with my happiness. Because, after all, I am what matters most to me.
Tomorrow I am going with Nick to blow off some steam and smoke a couple of cigarettes, hell, maybe I'll even have a good time! It feels like good is a universe away sometimes, but I keep hoping. With that being said, I am gaining an old friend back... one I have missed dearly, more than words can explain. Every time I am surrounded with his presence I feel a sort of nostalgic lovely love feeling and I just... I thank God for that. = ) < 3
Oh I lost my train of thought.
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